I think I figured out why I get tired and frustrated with "coding".

Its because I HAVE to do a crappy job of it, for what I am supposed to be accomplishing.

I get paid to figure out the design automation algorithm, and then I have to smash out
the code in a hurry to obtain a prototype.
The infrastructure is not set up to crank prototypes out easily.
Ideally, I would have a phase where I would think about the infrastructure of the software
that I am making. Then things would be nice and good. But for me, publishing , prototyping
and demonstrating earn me more brownies, but sadly my prototypes get directly used in
production.

I like writing because maybe I have more practice or because it uses natural language
which we are hardwired to produce. I can do it quickly. I can think quickly about how to write my idea. It seems easier than software engineering in that way. I don't feel that I have to do a crappier job than what my capability allows.

I've been listening to a lot of Bill Gates on TV, somewhat coincidentally.
I need to remember a few things he says.
1) He makes products that he would like to use.
2) He believes that software is magical and powerful, and the capabilities of what you can build with software keep increasing.
3) He believes that the so-called risk he took in dropping out of Harvard, was actually a very low risk. Right time, right place, sniff it out.

I used to dislike baseball.
Now, it feels like oatmeal for breakfast.
People locked in their positions and rules, flowing like clockwork.
Yet, with some leeway for excellence in specific channels.
The variables are tractable, but with uncertainty.
Baseball can't save the world, it won't cause an oil spill.
Cozy with a chance of dreaming.

The ducks are turning dark like crows.

Perhaps the condition of being human, is to experience this conflict between your imagination and your limitations. Bounded as you are to this time, this space, your body. Imagine yourself bursting out and flowing into the world like a river.

A feeling of frustration, of being trapped in a crowded place, of becoming internally and externally congested and unable to escape. Whole cultures write about wanting to escape this. Getting off the wheel, depressurizing.

"The root "ah" or "amh" in Sanskrit means press together, choke or throttle. It is curious that this root lives on in many modern languages." [Demonology and Devil-lore by M.C. Conway]
Latin- angi, axi, angor (suffocate, strangle)
Greek- agos (sin)
English - aweful, ugly

"Amhas in Sanskrit means sin, but it does so only because it meant originally throttling — the consciousness of sin being like the grasp of the assassin" [Conway]

The serpent Ahi was conjured by Vritta (the coverer of the sky) to become the great throttler.
Vritta was perhaps a Demon of sorts but most likely, just an asura from a superior tribe.
The Vedic Indo-europeans felt this as a group that caused them to burst out on to the Gangetic Plane. Or so I imagine.